Raising a special needs child is very challenging, my oldest child is 11 years old but cognitively she’s about 8 years old. Some days are okay and some days are like WWIII around here. My three year old and my fiance are usually right in the middle and my three year old is picking up a lot of bad habits from my bad behavior and bad language(Not good at all). So every morning is the usual morning routine getting ready for school and usual I end up yelling, screaming and cursing because no matter how early I wake her up she can’t do her morning routine properly. I’ve been told by plenty of therapist that always keep things structured and keep the routines the same, well that doesn’t work in this household. I love my kids more than life itself which is pretty much how every parent feels right? But sometimes is it normal just not to like your kids? Seriously? Is that a horrible thing to feel as a parent? And I’ve only told y’all just a small part of the challenges that happen everyday. My daughter is ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) ADHD (Attention Deficit/hyperactivity disorder), she also suffers from anxiety, sensory processing disorder…..there’s a lot going on. As with a lot of kids with autism she has a thing with hygiene and water. Needless to say every morning she would much rather watch the water just flow out of the faucet as she watches than brush her teeth and wash her face or take a shower. One of her many therapist says she needs water play(this therapist doesn’t pay our water bill). Same thing goes for taking showers every night, she doesn’t like to stand directly under the shower head. And no matter I yell or scream about this we still have a major problem with hygiene and water play. That’s one of many problems, there’s also normal kid stuff(keeping the room clean, being respectful of peers and adults, doing school work and home work, making friends). But I think the hardest part of raising a child on the spectrum is that they don’t show many emotions or no emotions at all. I’ve had one therapist tell me that they think she has OPP(oppositional defiance disorder), so when you discipline your child there’s usually some sort of emotion shown right? Whether it’s anger from the child, sadness, remorse….well sometimes children with this disability don’t show emotion because sometimes they just don’t know how. They don’t really know how to register their emotions, after giving my daughter lectures or placing her on punishment for getting in trouble she will start humming or just look at me or her stepdad like we’re not even there, it’s almost like she’s looking through you. She will literally carry on like you didn’t say anything to her and if she happens to get into trouble by my mom who almost never gets upset with her she will completely shut down and ignore whatever she is saying to her. She’s also passive aggressive, I’ve dealt with ruined furniture, destroyed carpets and one scratched car…….lots of money in damages. And I know you’re probably wondering if her real dad is around, well he’s not. After our relationship ended, his relationship also ended with our daughter. Nowadays he’s dad and husband of the year with his new daughter and wife in a different state, you would never know he has an eleven year old daughter if you looked him up on social media, not to mention he’s also pretending to be GI Joe at his command(But I’ll save this story for another day and another blog post). I love this little girl so much but I would be lying if I didn’t say some days I just want to pack her up and drop her off with her father and let him figure it out. I know you’re probably reading and saying “Wow, she’s a messed up mom.” I’m not perfect and nor do I claim to be, parenthood is literally a learn as you go experience and no person has all the answers. What I deal with when it comes to taking care of my kids is one of the many reasons why I started this blog. This post is kind of all over place, sorry for that. I had a rough time getting started, I knew I wanted to write something I just couldn’t get my thoughts together. How do you survive parenting? Somebody let me know, PLEASE.