Small goal accomplished today, I went to the pool! I know in my earlier write, I told you guys I slept in today and the depression and laziness got the best of me but this evening while sitting on the couch, ready to doze off and waiting for my 11 year old to finish up her homework I was almost convincing myself it’s too cold and too late to go to the pool. And to make matters worse my fiance didn’t want me to go because he just wanted me to stay home and keep him company(he works a lot). As I ready to give in and kick my feet up, I suddenly jumped up and said “Nope, I gotta do this…..I wrote a whole entry in my blog about how I was going to do this and I gotta stick to my word.” I’m laughing as I’m writing this because the fact that I referred to this blog as the promise that I had to keep is just hilarious to me. But when you’re battling depression you will find any excuse to not do something and when you are determined to not let the depression win, you will somehow find the strength and courage to do whatever it is you need to do. Even though it was freezing outside tonight and it took me forever to get into the water, I’m glad I pushed myself to go. I’m glad I didn’t continue to sit on the couch and beat myself up later for being a lazy piece of crap for not going. And even better I get to clear my head while in the water, I exercise I just feel good ya know?
Well tomorrow morning is my official swim class and I’m looking forward to it because it gives me a purpose to get up and get out of my house. I know this cold weather gives everyone some sort of the winter blues but when you are dealing with your mental health it just seems one hundred times worse. My next small step that I keep telling myself is that I will make the phone call that I keep putting off to get back into school, I let someone tell me that because I never finished my degree and I have attended so many schools that I was trying to be the jack of all trades and ended up being the master of none. Those words really stung me because this person didn’t know me or my story and their job was to help me get back into school, kind of made me feel invalidated. It was kind of like telling the alcoholic or the drug abuser that why do keep going to rehab? Your’e still going to be a alcoholic or addicted to drugs. Everyone F’s up right? Ask them why? What’s the back story? Anyway what’s your small step accomplishment? Cleaning a cluttered closet? Going back to school? Reading that book? Finishing that show? Whatever it is, make it a small goal and it won’t seem too demanding. Small steps, small goals no matter how long it takes……we all will get there.