Okay so I don’t have anything on the agenda tomorrow and while getting myself ready for bed tonight I told myself “Call tomorrow and get yourself enrolled for the Spring semester classes”. I tell myself this every week and yet I never do it, I also made it part of my New Year resolution……how many of us really stick to those pesky, impossible promises? Then I also read my Chinese New Year horoscope that also said I should take my education serious this year……it also mentioned I should check my health(Yikes!). So I know I wrote before how the last time I was looking to sign up for school that the person who was supposed to be helping me said some really hurtful words and even my therapist told me I shouldn’t let that stop me(I know, I didn’t need her to tell me that but I appreciated that she did). I as always have put that phone call off because the reality of it is, school kind of intimidates me…..like you go to school to get educated right? and it takes a lot of work but what happens when you can’t keep up? So you feel insecure and scared because you know you have to answer to the professor when your work starts to lag and projects go missing. I always doubted myself to begin with(I’ve talked about this also in an earlier write). I never feel smart and especially when I’m speaking to someone I’m always afraid I’m going to mispronounce a word or use a word or a phrase in the wrong context and I’m going to sound like a total idiot. I was never an A+ student in school, I barely made it out. And instead of going to college, well I joined the military instead……work hard and party even harder. And even when my shipmates(co-workers)were taking classes, I decided that wasn’t for me at that time, I do regret that decision. So my major when I was attending school was Medical Administration, but I’ll be honest if I could choose another major I would study law(I’ll discuss why on another blog). But either way nothing happens if I don’t take that first step right? It feels great when you’re getting good grades and turning in your work on time but it absolutely sucks when that black cloud appears and then you go from getting great grades to reading the same paragraph 50 times and it might-as-well be in a foreign language because you can’t even grasp what you’re looking at…….that’s depression. I promise guys I’m going to make that call eventually…..I’m going to be brave! Even if I have to take literally one class at time……I’ll get it done.