search instagram arrow-down

Grateful….

We played the lottery tonight, we usually play when it’s high……like everyone else because you never know right? Anyway we didn’t win but you know what for that split second while your reading your numbers and you think what if? And then reality kicks in and you don’t win and you laugh and say okay, your time will come. But I’m always grateful what is right now. I’ve gone through highs and lows in life like everyone else and I’m grateful for it all. I remember after having my daughter and unlike my Saturday nights now where my partner is sitting next to me while I sit on the couch and he plays his game on the computer while we watch whatever is interesting to us and somewhat kid friendly on tv. I would sit home by myself night in and night out while my daughter’s father would be out riding his bike or hanging at the race track or in the garage with about 10 of his friends drinking and working on their bikes. I also didn’t know at the time that I was suffering from PPD(Postpartum depression). Now here I am sitting home with my family and I no longer feel alone. I had a lot of lows in that relationship and even though I used to tell him he ruined my life because he made me a single mom, that’s the one thing I regret saying or feeling. My life wasn’t ruined it made me strong, stronger than I ever could imagine. A first time mom having a baby one month early, staying in the NICU for almost a month and I was still working at the time even though I was on extended leave. I am grateful for all those experiences because it made me who I am today, granted I have a long way to go I am still grateful. I had to learn and learn quickly how to be a mom and learn how to be a mom to a child with special needs and learn how to do it alone. I’m grateful for all the bad and good. I’m grateful that my mom who has helped me and I also helped her when she needed me turned her back on me when I needed her most because experience and life and people very close to me taught me that no matter a person’s title and significance in your life that it’s okay not to have them in your life or keep them at a distance that works for you(thanks babe). I’m grateful for my future mom-in-law that treats me like her own child and supports me better than my own family does.

+I’m grateful for my mom and sister who sometimes made me feel like the worst mom sometimes because it made me realize I’m not. I’m grateful for my future step kids(bonus children 🙂 ) that have taught me to have the patience of a saint some times and even though they work my last nerves I know that they mean well and are good kids lol. I’m grateful for my anxiety, depression and insomnia because it gives me a reason to fight on. Grateful for the naysayers and those who continuously encourage me. Most of all grateful for my wonderful partner and my children and my life. No matter what it’s love even at the worst of times and for the longest time in my life I never knew what that truly felt like. What is your gratefulness? What is your unconditional love? What has your most grateful moment in life so far? What or who hurt you that made you grateful that you experienced it because it made you stronger?

3-

Leave a Reply
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: