Manipulation……knowing exactly what to say….

Good evening or good morning(technically)…..this has been a rough week. First my little one got sick with a stomach virus then I got it the next evening and I’m still trying to get my strength back to 100%. Okay so I had to have it out with my daughter’s therapist today because well I know she means well as with all therapist I have dealt with over the many years. But when you’re dealing with a child like mine who knows exactly what to say and when to say you gotta know when things are genuine and when it’s just bologna. Today everything came to a head because once again I had to deal with “lost homework” now I’m fuming when I hear the story of how she’s sitting in class and cleaning out her folders when she “accidentally” throws away her homework that’s due tomorrow. Now at this point the therapist is ready to blame the teachers and school for not helping my child keep up with her homework but where’s the accountability for my child? I’m not in the business of raising children who are going to blame everyone else around them for their mess-ups in life. Yes, my child is special needs but she’s old enough to have some type of accountability especially when it comes to school and her homework. But before the therapist walked in my door and this scenario even unfolded I went through my daughter’s book bag because it was a complete mess with loose papers just hanging out and I found two different stacks of loose leaf paper with different drawings on them and they were both labeled “sketch book”. Now how is it that we can keep these made up sketch books but not homework??? No I don’t expect my child to be perfect and yes accidents happen but this is not the first instance of losing homework. So then the therapist wants to search everywhere and I let them go on their scavenger hunt but I already knew the homework wasn’t in my home so all of a sudden I hear my daughter saying this is why she needs to be organized and she needs to keep her papers and pay attention. Now that would be all well and fine had she not had these sketch books in her bag but she did and there’s no excuse. And of course once again the therapist is blaming the teachers and school because they know my daughter has disabilities and they should make sure my daughter has her work everyday. If I were to jump on the bandwagon of it’s the schools fault then what does that teach my child? It’s okay to lose homework but as long as we keep paper to draw on it’s okay? No I pretty much snapped at the therapist and my daughter because my whole point of teaching my child to be responsible for herself and her belongings is a life lesson and there are consequences to her actions. I told the therapist no, we’re not doing this today, we’re not going to blame everyone for my child not succeeding at something and I pulled the sketch books and showed her. Once she saw the drawings she was surprised because she knew that obviously these were happening in school and then my daughter admitted she has been drawing in class when the teachers are giving lessons. Now some may read this and think I’m a hard parent and be giving me a side-eye and that’s fine because there’s no one way to parent. But what really made me angry tonight is I watched as my child played into this and knew exactly what to say and when to say it by saying it will never happen again and she needs to be organized. This was my first time hearing this, you know how many times homework has been misplaced, lost or left at school or forgotten and I never sorry, it will never happen again? I could probably count on one hand but a therapist is here who is willing to blame the teachers and school and praise my daughter for her “effort” and not only do we get an apology but she writes an apology letter. I’m telling sometimes the behavior has me wanting to pull my hair out some days. Listen I’m no perfect mom by a long shot but parenting is not about being perfect is about raising respectable children into respectable productive adults even those that may have certain disabilities. Just like her OT(occupational therapist) thought that maybe my child had a body image issue because while she was showing her how to use the elliptical machine she noticed she kept counting the calories she was burning. I quickly put that to rest with the the fact that she just had two cavities filled at the dentist because I found out the reason why she didn’t want to have breakfast at home was because she was having chocolate and powdered doughnuts for breakfast at school and even after having the cavities filled and being warned not to have the doughnuts again she still did the day after. It wasn’t until I called up to the school’s cafeteria to put her name on a list that that the doughnuts for breakfast was stopped. I’ve heard from countless therapists how lying is a big issue for children on the autism spectrum but my child’s manipulation is out of this world sometimes and it reminds me of her father. The playing into the apologies and regretful when certain people are around are something that sometimes just amazes me because I remember whenever he got caught cheating during our relationship he would apologize profusely and always start crying and his favorite line would always be “I never kissed another girl or had sex while we were together” I guess having another girls phone number or talking on the phone or looking at social media pages doesn’t count as cheating…. I understand that some may say that they don’t believe that a child can be manipulative and yes in some cases no but in some cases absolutely! I’m not saying that my child is some type of evil kid walking around plotting how to get away with evil little plans that she has hatched up lol. But whenever she messes up and there’s a third party around the excuses and apologies are flying and she can kind of switch it up for different situations. I think maybe because I’m a naturally skeptical person that she knows that I’m not quick to believe her stories especially knowing whenever she has a chance to make a situation better she doesn’t. But to the people that don’t know her very well, well she likes to pour on her little charm. Sorry guys I’m just ranting at this point because I’ll spending another weekend at home with her because now she has to make up the homework that she accidentally threw away and hoping her teacher doesn’t give her a zero for a class that she’s not doing too well in and now I dealing the disrespect of my child drawing in class when she should be paying attention and taking notes. And no matter how much I yell or scream or take away her the things that she likes to do, end the end I get no where. Her stepdad has been asking lately what we suppose to do here and to be honest I don’t even have an answer. I never have answer to her behavior, I listen to the therapists, I try whatever new tips and tricks they give me and I read a lot of articles and blogs of parents who deal with the same thing but nobody has an answer to this right? And if they do somebody please point them my way, I beg of you. How do you deal? This is the real afraid of fail, the fail as a parent…..I guess?

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